Magical MyStory Tour

2012-05-16T13:54:38.723-05:00

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Very sorry to hear about another mom going through...

2011-06-01T21:25:30.007-05:00

Very sorry to hear about another mom going through this. I'm so happy to know that what I have written here would give comfort to someone dealing with this. I hope that you eventually find the peace that I have found in the years since the experience.

I am 20 weeks into my second pregnancy, 1st is now...

2011-06-01T09:46:51.892-05:00

I am 20 weeks into my second pregnancy, 1st is now a healthy 2 yr old boy, I am carrying a triploidy with kidney abnormalities and a hyrdacephalic brain. We still can't tell what sex it is but I've sexed him and called him Felix (light)in my prayers and when i talk to him. I am nervous as I am supposed to take the tablet tomorrow. I read your blog and have cried and felt peace at the same time as I can totally relate to everything you've written about Noah. What a beautiful tribute. I only hope that I can give meaning and dignity to Felix even though taking a tablet feels like I'm demeaning him(and myself in a way).

I am so pleased for all of you that your second so...

2011-03-26T19:57:35.547-05:00

I am so pleased for all of you that your second son has arrived, safe and healthy, to join your awesome family. Reading about your decision to lay Noah to rest with your father-in-law...that was really beautiful. And I think everything you wrote about the experience of pregnancy and birth, and infancy too after losing a baby was so right-on. I hope other moms and families who've experienced something similar will find your words and take comfort. Really well-done.

I like the advice on circumcising! Too bad teenage...

2011-01-14T18:55:43.561-06:00

I like the advice on circumcising! Too bad teenaged boys tend to think about their winkies a lot!

You know, you're right. Some mothers are terrible about judging when I think about it. I guess I just don't understand that. As a mom, I know that sometimes you have no idea what to do so you make the best decision you can at the time. Sometimes it is even a decision that you know will just get you through the next 10 minutes! I can't imagine judging someone when I know how hard the job is!

No shower that I know of at this point. I have a lot of baby stuff that we kept around, and I have gotten a bunch of hand-me-downs from friends so I suppose when it's the 2nd child, people just figure you are pretty set. I'm not bummed. I think it would just be fun to get together in a couple of months when baby is settled in. I enjoy the conversation at showers more than the gifts and games anyway!

Early March due date... coming fast! I've been really sparing with pictures. I'll have to share sometime!

P.S. PICTURES. Come on! Where's that round b...

2011-01-14T15:28:31.452-06:00

P.S. PICTURES. Come on! Where's that round belly?!?

I am so excited for all three (no, four!) of you. ...

2011-01-14T09:25:43.933-06:00

I am so excited for all three (no, four!) of you. What a blessing, indeed. This little soul is so lucky to have found his way into your lives! I'm sure in the end he won't throw a teenaged tantrum over being uncircumcised or circumcised. And if he does, then you can just remind him that he was raised in a loving household, so there's that, and to stop thinking about his winky so much. ;)

About the non-judgmental mommy thing...it only applies some of the time, I fear. I've certainly learned not to judge, but I've faced my own share of judgement and some of that comes from other mothers, certainly. A lot more from people that don't have kids, or those who've seen a fair amount of time pass since they've raised children...I'd settle for getting sane, respectful, balanced people in D.C.

Are you having a shower? I'd love to come, even if it meant a 2-hour drive. Because I love you that much. :) When are you due, again?

I knew I wasn't alone! It's such a struggl...

2010-12-12T21:48:34.997-06:00

I knew I wasn't alone! It's such a struggle, isn't it? How do we balance our dreams with our families? It's such a tough thing. It's so true that our psyches haven't caught up. I guess what I'm thankful for though is that we probably feel more like we can have aspirations than our counterparts 50 years ago. They may have felt the pull of dual roles, but had no acceptable outlet for their real aspirations. I guess even though we are stuck in the middle, maybe it's better than it used to be...?

I just read this today, and had to come back and r...

2010-12-11T19:59:51.991-06:00

I just read this today, and had to come back and respond. Oh, sister...do I hear you. Being a mother often means subverting your own aspirations, or feeling guilty if you don't. Men don't have this same internal struggle, I think because it wasn't ingrained in them from the beginning of time that they are responsible for the daily care of their offspring. Times are certainly changing, and one could easily argue that men feel other pressures related to family (like the need to make as much money as possible, or at least bring home some kind of bacon) but it isn't as though they've had the message for many generations that taking care of your kids trumps progressing at work. And now that it's totally within the norm for women to have families AND career aspirations, the messages of our society and our own psyches have still not caught up.

It's hard when you stay at home, too. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. Because many of the things I expect myself to do (by virtue of being at home, "having more time", etc.) are things I just really, REALLY don't want to do much of the time. I'd rather be writing. Or reading (I pretend it's "research"). Or anything besides cleaning the darn bathroom or picking up socks or vacuuming. But truly, I have goals beyond making the family dinner, and so little time to pursue them. Joe's job is king, because it puts the bread in our mouths, but it doesn't mean that my dreams should be forever deferred. But in the end, as you said, I hope I'm surrounded by family in my last moments, and not my books.

No answers, only support and understanding.

I wouldn't want the baby sharing with his big ...

2010-11-22T22:29:43.129-06:00

I wouldn't want the baby sharing with his big sister until he's a pretty solid sleeper, but I guess I'd never thought about the benefits. Hmmmm...

I do think it depends on the kid, and also on the ...

2010-11-20T14:21:06.765-06:00

I do think it depends on the kid, and also on the house itself. If you have an older house, and put the kids above you so you can hear them moving around (as we do) then it can be all right. But I can see how your co-worker wouldn't want a six-year-old by themselves in the basement...it's like another layer of remove, somehow. It might be hard to hear them if they begin sleepwalking, or get up to go to the bathroom but head into a closet, etc. I don't know. But I am also a huge proponent of kids sharing rooms...it teaches them lots of important skills about living with others. There are some pretty appalling statistics about freshman roommates at college and how most of them have never in their entire lives shared a space and belongings with others. While they're small, opposite-gender kids can do it and learn a bit of these skills for future life. My brother and I shared until I was 10 (out of necessity, but it was a good thing in the end.)

As for the fear factor, I think it just depends on the kid. Max is fine, though lonely, sleeping alone. Ollie gets kinda freaked out at times when Max is away. Seth still sleeps in his own space at this point, but will be joining the big boys in their room after we train him to sleep in a regular bed. :)

That is a really funny typo! I tend to agree with...

2010-10-28T20:30:06.511-05:00

That is a really funny typo!

I tend to agree with you. I have talked about it with my husband. I don't think he's too concerned about difference in appearance. I think we both agree that it's something we could explain by saying something like: "Everyone is different. We have different hair, we are different colors..." Something along those lines.

If you look it up online, you can find a multitude of opinions: people who feel it's not necessary, people who think it's better, men who did it voluntarily and are happy, men who did it voluntarily and had regrets... It's enough to confuse a person!

It seems that there is less chance of regret in boys who had it done at birth. They don't know what it's like to be any other way and they don't remember the procedure. They also look like most other boys in this country (not true for the rest of the world!) so they may feel more like they fit in. I just can't get over my dislike of the extra cost, altering nature, and the pain the newborn feels.

This is going to be a tough one for me!

Can I just say that "bathrub" instead of...

2010-10-28T12:44:09.207-05:00

Can I just say that "bathrub" instead of "bathtub" is maybe the funniest typo of all time?

OMG!!!!!! I am so excited for you and your family...

2010-10-28T12:42:17.946-05:00

OMG!!!!!! I am so excited for you and your family! (Obviously.) Congratulations on the baby boy!

I had an opinion, but so did my husband and they weren't the same. In the end, we went with his instinct and all the boys are circumsized. After the first one, I didn't really question it again. I didn't want it to be a topic that would come up in the bathrub before they were old enough to have me explain it to them.

If I could say one thing, I guess it would be that it seems to make not one bit of difference. It's not easier to care for, or cleaner, or anything. I don't know how your husband feels about it, but in the end it just seemed pretty unneccesary to me. It costs money and makes them sleepy(er) in their hospital time. Like you say, there's no right or wrong, really...but I'd weigh in on the "not neccesary" side of the matter.

Is there a chance you can go more part-time with w...

2010-10-06T15:40:25.229-05:00

Is there a chance you can go more part-time with work (and daycare)? The moms I know who do this seem to be happiest. I'm sure staying home looks really good from your perspective, but it's really not easy. Really. Not. :) No part of this motherhood thing seems to be, though.

LOL I love that you see this as sloppy :) Hope you...

2010-09-21T22:13:08.216-05:00

LOL I love that you see this as sloppy :) Hope you're getting some good rest, Mama!

I wish everyone would be more like you, Marlene! M...

2010-07-27T18:42:46.669-05:00

I wish everyone would be more like you, Marlene! Most people don't think about it because we are so detached from the source of our food. The grocery store gives no clues and hides many atrocities. Being aware and trying to purchase responsibly is all I hope for.

We are not vegetarian, because if we were, Nate mi...

2010-07-27T06:17:02.771-05:00

We are not vegetarian, because if we were, Nate might die. lol But 80-85% of our meals are vegetarian, and I try to buy organic meat when possible. Nate quickly realized once we got married that I just don't prepare much meat, and he has always been just fine with that. While I can't imagine giving up meat for good, I do want our family to consume it responsibly :) Thanks for such a great post. I always wonder what it is that causes people to become vegetarians, and it is nice to know where people are coming from!

Thanks, this really does make me feel much better!...

2010-07-08T18:40:28.422-05:00

Thanks, this really does make me feel much better! You have also reminded me that introducing some choices might be helpful. "Do you want to wear the pink or purple pajamas tonight?" Things like that might make a difference. Thanks for having my back!

Oh, Mama...do I feel you on this one (as you well ...

2010-07-08T14:10:39.997-05:00

Oh, Mama...do I feel you on this one (as you well know!) A good book about this sort of stuff is "Kids, Parents, and Power Struggles" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka. The first thing I wondered reading this entry was, "I wonder how many choices she has during her day at daycare?" Kids this age want so much to have some control over what they do, and we either give too many choices that overwhelm or too few that leave them feeling powerless.

I know it doesn't help, but she obviously feels very safe with you, and that's why she feels free to express her will and frustrations without fear of retribution. She is probably working so hard to be "good" all day, but you don't see it! (and even if you stayed home with her, you wouldn't see it. Ha.) She pushes the limits with you in the evenings because you always love her, even when she makes mistakes. It's no less frustrating, but it's so positive that she feels good and loved in spite of your difficulties with one another.

You are a terrific mama. Anyone worth their salt in this parenting gig will question their abilities, and often. Just think of it this way...the people who don't doubt themselves aren't self-aware enough to be doing a decent job anyway!

Here's hoping for a better tomorrow...

How did I miss this post until now? God has a spe...

2010-06-08T20:34:51.098-05:00

How did I miss this post until now? God has a special plan for your life, Erica, no matter what. Thinking of you and praying for you. It is just completely fine to be sad.

love,
Marlene

Thank you.

2010-05-27T21:24:25.651-05:00

Thank you.

So sorry. It makes no sense at all. I don't ...

2010-05-26T23:29:04.300-05:00

So sorry. It makes no sense at all. I don't even know what else to say, but that I'm thinking of you and love you.

I'm with you, Marlene. Cheaper is better! Lett...

2010-05-24T20:20:41.622-05:00

I'm with you, Marlene. Cheaper is better! Letters are a great idea!

I am trying to remember when we went out on a date...

2010-05-24T11:09:47.949-05:00

I am trying to remember when we went out on a date. And I think it was over Christmas? When we were in Florida and there was an overflowing abundance of grandparents?! What we did on our anniv. was get some amazing sandwiches from a local restaurant, and played Sequence while watching Deadliest Catch. While some people might find that incredibly dull, we had a GREAT time! Rarely do we have time to just hang out and laugh. It was so fun. Spending lots of money getting a sitter and going out for an expensive dinner would have made both us of not enjoy it as much, because we don't really want to drop $80 on an evening out. For $12 we had plenty of fun :) We approached our wedding with the same philosophy: why spend lots of money when the commitment is what matters most? I think our wedding cost about $1,000. My dress was a white sundress from J. Crew and I think it was $75. We got married in the middle of the day. There was lots of roses and chicken salad for lunch. I loved our wedding - it was beautiful, simple, and memorable. I love life on the cheap!!

Write each other a letter making plans for the future year of marriage. We always write cards/letters of encouragement on our anniv. :)