Telling Noah's Story

I was just thinking about how precious life is and how quickly and unexpectedly it can be taken away. I started thinking of my "ripple" on this earth and the lasting things I have done so far. This blog crossed my mind. It's nothing much. It has served as my own therapy more than anything else, but I check in on it from time to time. I am always so pleased to find that a couple of people have found their way here and looked around. I hope that every now and then someone finds something that is helpful to them in some way.

As I thought about this blog tonight, a post started to write itself in my mind. I have been meaning to come here and put it down for a few months and I'm happy to finally get it published.

Some months ago I had an opportunity to attend a town hall where Congresswoman Michele Bachmann was to make an appearance. I knew I couldn't pass it up. I don't think I share any common views with her so there are many things I'd love to tell her to do differently, but there is one thing in particular that I knew I would love to talk to her about and that's my beautiful first-born baby boy, Noah. I wanted to tell her the story of my "abortion." I don't think it's the typical story that most people imagine when they think of abortion, and I wanted the opportunity to get it out there. I knew it probably wouldn't change her views, but it was still important to me to tell it.

I walked in to that gathering with a plan to speak with her and I didn't waver. I didn't know exactly what I was going to say, but when I got through the crowd and stood close to her path, I was ready. I could feel the tears coming to my eyes as I said, "Hello, I'm here to tell you about my son and my abortion." I don't think she expected that opening! I proceeded to tell her Noah's story as briefly as I could. I tried my best to hit my points. I cried as I spoke. I told her that she is on a mission to limit the choices of moms like me. I wasn't irresponsible, unmarried, uneducated, young, reckless, unwilling to accept a baby with special needs... I wasn't any of those things. My abortion wasn't violent. I was induced and I gave birth as any mother does. I told Congresswoman Bachmann that I wanted my son, but that he wouldn't have survived. My health may have suffered in the process of carrying him too, and it wouldn't have changed the outcome of my pregnancy. I asked her to think about women like me when she makes decisions. I asked her if she would want the government to step in if she was in my shoes. It's such a foreign thought - you just get the news that your baby will not survive and then you are told that if you don't hurry and decide what to do, the government will decide for you. Furthermore, you may need to travel if you want to be induced now because your state government may stop you. For as much as the Tea Party talks of minimal government, this doesn't sound like government staying out of our lives to me.

She looked me in the eye, she appeared to listen, and for that I was happy. I know I didn't change her views, but I hope that for a small second I made her think. If not, I still accomplished what I set out to do. I told Noah's story again. I made his life and my experience count. I felt satisfied.

I have seen many other women go through a Triploidy diagnosis and I have seen many paths that can be taken from there. Everyone has to choose their own way, but I can still say today that I wouldn't change what I did. My son was set free from his broken body. I was set free to mourn and eventually look forward to the future and start again. It was the right thing for me, and that's why I think that women deserve the right to choose.

Although I don't blog much, I am here from time to time checking in. Thank you for stopping by. I hope there is something here that is helpful in some small way. That's Noah's legacy. If you have lost a baby, make a ripple. Let the world know that they were here. Make their brief life important. It feels good.

6 Years Old

My little Noah,

You would have turned 6 last month! It's hard to imagine what it would be like to have a 6 year old boy around here. It certainly would have changed our family! We might have more Legos and train sets than Barbies and My Little Ponies. Your little brother, he's coming up just fine, but he doesn't have those things yet. He's still into his teethers and rattles. You would have loved this life, Noah. Your siblings are amazing little people. You mom and dad are happy and so filled with joy about this journey our family is on. Even in times that we are faced with stressful challenges, we know that we will be ok no matter what because we have been so blessed. You blessed us. There's a lot of love here, son. Your spirit is still here. Even though we long for you to be here with us now, we know that your journey here was meant to be short. God had his plans for you and for us, and we trust Him. We miss you, and we thank you for being such a great teacher.

Love, Mom

Thank you God for these three little lives I carried. Each of them has made me better. Amen.