Signs

I've had a few experiences in my life where I believe I was given signs. I believe strongly that we are given direction once in awhile. I'm not sure if these are just odd coincidences or if God is intervening. Maybe it's all my imagination. Regardless, I'd like to think they are clues, and believing in them gives me hope. The hardest part is noticing them.

The biggest signs I've had are related to having kids. During my entire pregnancy with my angel boy, Noah, I had been dreaming that I was having a little girl. Some dreams were about her actual birth. In some she was an infant. Others included visions of a girl child. I was fairly certain I was having a girl. One day I was sitting at the table eating a bowl of alphabet soup and watching television. I wasn't paying much attention to my soup. With my eyes fixed on the tv, I would scoop into the bowl and eat each bite. When I started to get to the bottom of the bowl, it became more difficult for me to scoop up a bite without looking. I dipped into the bowl, and then took my first look down to see if I had gotten anything. When I looked down, I saw something remarkable. Strange. Funny. Lined up perfectly on my spoon along with some broth and a few stray vegetables was the word "BOY" written out in noodles. "Hmmm," I thought. "I guess it's a boy!" My soup was right! It revealed my baby's gender before any ultrasound could. Thanks, soup! Now you'll be paying attention the next time you eat alphabet soup, won't you?

It wasn't until my daughter was born that I looked back on the whole thing in an even more interesting way. During my pregnancy with Noah I was dreaming about a little girl constantly. That little girl of my dreams was in my future. My dreams were right too.

Coincidence or not, I find the whole thing so interesting. My experience with signs doesn't end there. Next post, another story.

I'm ready to get to bed. I never get enough sleep! Oh, and nothing certain on the baby news, but I'm pretty sure we've been unsuccessful this cycle. I'm feeling some cramps. Shoot. Goodnight!

The Wait

I'm now at the end of the waiting time. It's a dreadful period of time us infertile people refer to as "the two week wait." The next 48 hours or so should reveal our success or failure.

I was thinking today about how frustrating the two week wait can be, but I realized that this 48 hours is truly the hardest part. This is the time when hope dies. I start to get cramps, and I tell myself it's just a stomach ache. Denial is heightened. I'm constantly telling myself that the decision has already been made. I can't do or undo anything anymore. No matter how much I'm trying to bargain with God, His will be done. I'm just waiting to find out where His path leads next. My focus is being patient and accepting any outcome.

I'm happy to have a busy little toddler to keep me busy. She has been enjoying her dance class, speaking long strings of sentences quite clearly, singing, scarfing down egg salad sandwiches, "cooking" in her play kitchen, and playing the games I got her at a thrift store last weekend. I was amazed to find that the games I got were in great shape and included all of the pieces. That never happens! At least I'm lucky in some part of my life!

My last 48 are ticking by. Let's see what God has in store.

Not Me Monday!

I'm going to join in with Mckmama for the first time today on her Not Me Monday post so I can confess to my parental hiccups of late!

I most certainly did not allow my child to watch 3 full length movies in one day because I was sick and I didn't want to do anything. I also definitely did not feed my child peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for 3 seperate meals last week for the same reason. I would never be so lazy that I would wear the same sweat pants all week without finding the time to do my laundry. Definitely not me! I would never stand in the shower for 15 minutes while my husband is wrangling a toddler all alone just so I could get a little bit of quiet time. I'm a perfect parent and a tremendous partner. I would never do that!

What are your parental confessions today? Want to join in?
This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

It's just another day...

My daughter has somehow managed to be sick again, and this time she took me down with her! It has been really difficult to juggle work life, home life, and cyber life lately. All of the viruses making their way around our house have kept me down for the count. In fact, what am I doing up right now? We are currently back in the waiting time and hoping for good news. It will be another week or so before we find out if our latest treatment has resulted in a pregnancy. So far I've been able to keep my mind off the topic most of the time, but it creeps in once in awhile. I have absolutely no plan for the next cycle yet. Whether I like it or not, it might be necessary for a financial break. We'll see...

In the meantime, I have a quick recipe to share. We were inspired to make it recently, and I realized that it is a good recipe for the beginning of baseball season. If you care about that stuff. I know I don't. I have a strong dislike for athletics, but I like to eat! This one isn't the healthiest, but it is really yummy! This recipe isn't even an exact science, so feel free to tweak it!

Chili Dog Hotdish

Ingredients:

1 bag hotdog buns (6?)

1 package of vegetarian hotdogs

2 cans of vegetarian chili

onion

mustard

cheese

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees. Grease a 13x9 baking dish. Break up hotdog buns evenly on the bottom. Then cut hotdogs into quarters lengthwise. Cut them again into 3-5 pieces. Does that make sense? Then sprinkle them evenly over the buns. It should look like this:

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Pour the 2 cans of vegetarian chili over the top and spread to cover. Chop onion and sprinkle over the chili. Use as much as you like! Drizzle some mustard around on the top. It helps at this point to have an adorable helper!
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Then just cover with some shredded cheese.

Bake for about 20 minutes or until it is bubbly and the cheese is melted. It should smell wonderful and look like this:

. Enjoy! This reheats well too. We normally have leftovers for a few days. My daughter can help a lot with this since it's so easy, and she tends to eat it more willingly when she has helped. It's also easier when she knows what's in it, and this recipe qualifies. "Remember? It's just bread, hotdogs, beans, mustard and cheese. Those are all things you like!" (Notice there is no mention of onion here. That isn't on the list of foods she's on board with yet! However, mustard is one of her favorite things, so it's usually a big selling point.)

Family Updates

Everyone is healthy now, so things have settled down a bit. We had a crabby kid during Easter weekend. I guess ear infections and antibiotics aren't exactly a recipe for happiness. We did manage to have some fun. My daughter colored eggs for the first time, and she did end up enjoying it. We used a tip I found in a magazine and put the eggs in a wisk to make it easier for her to dip them. It worked nicely for her, and helped keep the mess to a minimum.

She put the stickers on when we were done. She decided this cat needed a bow so she put one on its head. The annoyed expression on the cat's face made me laugh. Isn't that exactly what a cat would look like if you put a bow on its head?

With Easter over, it was back to fertility treatments. The doctors aren't ready to give up on me yet, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up on myself. They want to run a few tests to make extra sure that nothing has changed with me since giving birth the last time. One of them has already been done, and everything came back normal as I suspected. Insurance said they'd cover it, but there's no guarantee. I don't like this waiting around for bills to arrive. They have been trickling in. $250 here, $350 there. It all adds up.

Just this week I made my trip to the pharmacy for my $100 shot, and proceeded to inject myself with my crying toddler locked outside the bathroom door. I thought better of letting her run in and out while I tried to clean the area and insert a needle. It's not just a toddler-friendly activity! She was utterly heartbroken to be shut out. "Just a minute! Mommy just needs to go potty! I'll be right out!" My daughter's evening is full of dramatic moments, so she does seem to bounce back quickly. A little string cheese and we went from emotionally scarred and writhing on the floor to calm and happy in just a few minutes.

I've been asking myself often where to draw the line. We have been attempting to have baby #2 for about 7-8 months now. At what point does my desire to expand the family start to become a selfish act? I certainly feel more stress when I'm going through all of this. The medications are harsh. They leave me feeling bloated, moody, and just plain sick sometimes. Appointments take time away from my family. Money spent from our limited resources disappears with nothing to show for it while my daughter's college fund doesn't grow. I ask myself what is driving me. Another child would certainly enrich our lives in many ways, but I'm not willing to chase it indefinitely. I haven't yet decided where the road ends, but I feel it's something I might need to confront. When I didn't have any kids, I never even thought about giving up - even after years without success. Now that I have an answered prayer in my daughter, I am more willing to accept my blessings and trust God's plan. I guess time will tell.

In the meatime, I have lots to keep my busy. I intend to focus on that.

Muffins and Snufflin'

I hope to write a little more about Easter and family activities soon. It has been awhile since I've had time to write! My family has been battling some nasty bugs, so we've been too busy wiping noses and dosing medications to do much of anything else. We were at Urgent Care on Saturday afternoon when a morning of errands turned into a lunch time scream session. Turns out it was a sudden start to a nasty ear infection. I snapped a picture of our kitchen counter when I realized that it perfectly summed up our weekend.

In the meantime, I will share a recipe. It's a favorite of mine lately. I've found myself making a batch of muffins every week, and then grabbing them for a quick breakfast. These are fairly low fat and healthy. They also taste amazing.

Low Fat Banana Muffins:

Ingredients:
3/4 Cup white flour
3/4 Cup whole wheat flour
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp sea salt (optional)
3 large bananas, mashed
1/2 Cup sugar (I use organic cane sugar.)
1 egg
1/3 Cup unsweetened apple sauce

Directions:
- Preheat oven to 350 degrees.
- Coat muffin pan with non-stick spray or use paper liners.
- Mix together white and whole wheat flour, baking powder, baking soda, and salt. Set aside.
- Combine mashed bananas, sugar, egg, and applesauce in a large bowl.
- Fold in flour mixture and mix until smooth.
- Scoop into muffin pan (each at 3/4 full)
- Bake in preheated oven. Mini muffins for 10-15 minutes. Standard or large muffins for 25-30 minutes. Muffins are done when slighly brown. They should spring back when lightly touched.

Yum! I find that recipes with banana are hard to screw up. They tend to rise well, and they turn out very moist. I also have a tendency to overmix, and I haven't had a problem with that yet when using this recipe. You can also throw in some cinnamon for added flavor. A little sprinkle of ground flax seed never hurts either if you want extra fiber and some Omega 3's. Enjoy!