Family Updates

Everyone is healthy now, so things have settled down a bit. We had a crabby kid during Easter weekend. I guess ear infections and antibiotics aren't exactly a recipe for happiness. We did manage to have some fun. My daughter colored eggs for the first time, and she did end up enjoying it. We used a tip I found in a magazine and put the eggs in a wisk to make it easier for her to dip them. It worked nicely for her, and helped keep the mess to a minimum.

She put the stickers on when we were done. She decided this cat needed a bow so she put one on its head. The annoyed expression on the cat's face made me laugh. Isn't that exactly what a cat would look like if you put a bow on its head?

With Easter over, it was back to fertility treatments. The doctors aren't ready to give up on me yet, but I'm not sure if I'm ready to give up on myself. They want to run a few tests to make extra sure that nothing has changed with me since giving birth the last time. One of them has already been done, and everything came back normal as I suspected. Insurance said they'd cover it, but there's no guarantee. I don't like this waiting around for bills to arrive. They have been trickling in. $250 here, $350 there. It all adds up.

Just this week I made my trip to the pharmacy for my $100 shot, and proceeded to inject myself with my crying toddler locked outside the bathroom door. I thought better of letting her run in and out while I tried to clean the area and insert a needle. It's not just a toddler-friendly activity! She was utterly heartbroken to be shut out. "Just a minute! Mommy just needs to go potty! I'll be right out!" My daughter's evening is full of dramatic moments, so she does seem to bounce back quickly. A little string cheese and we went from emotionally scarred and writhing on the floor to calm and happy in just a few minutes.

I've been asking myself often where to draw the line. We have been attempting to have baby #2 for about 7-8 months now. At what point does my desire to expand the family start to become a selfish act? I certainly feel more stress when I'm going through all of this. The medications are harsh. They leave me feeling bloated, moody, and just plain sick sometimes. Appointments take time away from my family. Money spent from our limited resources disappears with nothing to show for it while my daughter's college fund doesn't grow. I ask myself what is driving me. Another child would certainly enrich our lives in many ways, but I'm not willing to chase it indefinitely. I haven't yet decided where the road ends, but I feel it's something I might need to confront. When I didn't have any kids, I never even thought about giving up - even after years without success. Now that I have an answered prayer in my daughter, I am more willing to accept my blessings and trust God's plan. I guess time will tell.

In the meatime, I have lots to keep my busy. I intend to focus on that.