Angel Boy - Part 2

My little boy's birthday is fast approaching, so I will continue his story.

We left off at my 20 week ultrasound. My husband and I were going in to find out the gender of our little bundle. Previous ultrasounds had indicated that the baby was measuring a bit small, but no one had given us any indication that this was any cause for concern.

We went through the ultrasound and the tech was very quiet throughout the exam. We saw the heartbeat, and we were told that baby wasn't cooperating and was still a bit small so they couldn't determine the gender. Again, none of this was a huge concern at the time.

When the ultrasound was complete, we were put into an exam room. The tech told us that the doctor needed to come in to see us. Having never gone through any of this, we didn't find it unusual. The doctor arrived, and she entered the room with a piece of paper. She sat down and rolled over to our chairs. "We are seeing something unusual with the baby's brain." Here is where things began to move in slow motion. I'm still thinking that this wasn't a huge thing. So the brain is a bit unusual looking. It's still growing. These things happen, right? I was still seeing that vision of my chubby baby in my mind.

She continued. "It looks as though the brain never formed into two hemispheres as it should have. Here is a page with information that I printed off from the internet." At this point she hands me the sheet. The whole thing is surreal. Questions are running through my mind. "We don't have all of the details that we need at this point to properly assess this. We will need to schedule a more detailed ultrasound - a level II. I know you will go home and look this up online, but I don't want you to jump to any conclusions until we can do this next ultrasound and find out more information." Do they really think it's possible to get that kind of news and not read everything you can find?!

I started with my questions. "What is the prognosis here?" The doctor continued. "Typically when we see this, it means that there is significant disability. Most of these babies are unable to mentally progress beyond the age of 5." I ask if this is certain. Is there a chance that we could come for the level II ultrasound and we'd realize that everything is actually normal after all? Could they be wrong about this? The doctor was clear that there was most definitely something wrong. That was certain. We were left alone for a time in the exam room to digest this information. I was a mess. When we emerged, they scheduled our level II ultrasound in one week.

When we returned home, I was on the internet before I had my coat off. I spent a lot of time reading. None of the information was good. I realized one thing - that I had to pull myself together. I didn't know exactly what was wrong, so how could I discuss it with others? If I tell everyone that something is wrong, they'll act strange around me. They won't know what to say. I made a decision that until I knew more, I had to keep this information private. My husband and I agreed. I returned to work.

"So... did you find out if it's a boy or girl?"

I managed to answer in the most cheerful tone I could muster. "No. They weren't able to tell because the baby wouldn't cooperate. They want to see us in a week to try again. Maybe we'll find out more then." It is here that longest week of my life began.

More of the story to come. Thanks for reading!