The first was a dinner out over the weekend. We went out for a rare restaurant meal, and we ended up at a buffet. As vegetarians, we are very limited in a buffet, so we covet the food we can eat when a dish comes out from the kitchen. I made a trip to the line - maybe my third - when a dish we could eat showed up. I took some for myself, and I took extra for my husband to enjoy. When I returned to the table, he made his own trip and came back with more of the same thing. Let's just say that he can eat a lot, so this wasn't unusual!
After a few minutes of tackling this plate of food, I saw my husband start to slow down. It became clear that he was full. Uncomfortably full. That's when I became uneasy with our surroundings. Instantly I started scanning the food that was being forgotten. As the plates were being cleared from tables around us, I noticed quite a bit of food that was left behind. I watched my husband surrender his plate too. In an instant, my mind went to the suffering in Haiti. I felt ill. We take so much for granted! During this meal, we had eaten until we were uncomfortable. We had left food to be thrown away. At the very same moment, people are starving and struggling. It felt very wrong. Why do some people have so much, while others struggle? Why are we unable to put things into perspective as we navigate our day? Why are we unable to be satisfied with all that we have?
The second event happened today, and it brought these thoughts to the front of my mind once again. I had a conversation with a friend who happens to be in the middle of the same fertility treatments that I am going through. After months of failed attempts, she is reaching the end of her sanity. I can put myself in her shoes. After all, I was in her shoes not too long ago. I was childless, not sure what would work, and experiencing disappointment month after month.
Today she told me that she has decided to try a few more cycles before she resigns herself to a life without children. Hearing those words broke my heart. I asked myself why I never gave up when faced with this seemingly hopeless situation. The answer came to my mind immediately. I never gave up because I would have never rested had I not tried every last moment/method I could to have a family. The appropriate time to stop trying is different for everyone. She may have reached her time. I never had to find out where my limit was. It's not fair. Suddenly each sharp word I have spoken to my daughter came back to haunt me. Why do I always forget that she's my miracle? Why do I forget the pain I felt when I thought I'd never have any children?
These two recent experiences made me think about how much our perspective can affect our happiness. I realize that happiness is our choice so much of the time. As I tackle this next fertility treatment, I will remember the words of my friend. I will change my perspective and remember that with one child, my life is more full than I had ever dreamed. I will quit worrying about when (if) it will work because there are oceans of women out there who want to have just one baby and are unable to do it. I would be doing them a disservice if I wasn't thankful for each moment I have.
As we watch the news and see the suffering in Haiti, let's forget about the complaints of our day and remember all that we have. When our kids drive us nuts, let's remember how much of a miracle each life is. When we can't afford a new "toy," let's be thankful for the meal we just ate. For each struggle we have, there is something to be learned. For each joy we have, there is something to be treasured and not forgotten. Let's decide to be content in our lives by looking at each situation in this way.
I know I will fail at this task repeatedly in life, but tonight I have decided to be happy. I can't take all the credit. My daughter helped.
Now that is what happiness looks like!
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